DAY 18 - December 18th
Joke Time!
Christmas Jokes that will either make you Laugh or Cry!.....
Entering Heaven
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's glasses.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "They're Carol's."
A Sign of the Times
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Buying a Christmas Turkey
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Christmas Jokes just don't get any better....
Lets try some more general jokes to see if we can make you giggle, here goes:
The Credit Crunch Continues to Bite
Following the problems in the US lending market and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.
In the last seven days, Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will go for a song, while shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks. Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Finally, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where it's feared that staff may get a raw deal.
MAKE IT SNIPPY
A bloke goes into a florist to buy a dozen red roses for his wife.
The guy behind the counter says, "I'm sorry, sir, this isn't a florist - it's a male clinic specialising in circumcisions and vasectomies."
"So why have you got all those flowers in the window?" he asks.
The man replies, "And what do you suggest we put in the window?"
CONDIMENTS OF THE SEASON
I bought some HP sauce the other day.
It's costing me 6p a month for the next two years.
CORRIE SAUCE
Which character is mentioned in just about every single episode of Coronation Street, but nobody has ever seen him? Give up?
The answer, of course, is 'Willie Eckerslike'.
SILENCE IN COURT
A man walks into a police station and asks to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before.
"Sorry sir, but you'll get your chance in court,' says the duty officer.
'No,' says the man. 'I want to know how he got in the house without waking the wife. I've been trying to do that for years.'